I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
