My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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