But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
