dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
FUCK WHALES
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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