i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
