Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
