Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
