3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
