tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
