I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
