everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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