i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
