No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize