Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A bitchslap is in order.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
