i jhust puked up my retainher.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
