But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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