I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
