i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
