12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
