How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize