he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
