hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize