Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
