you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
