The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
