its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize