i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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