if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I came so hard my ears popped.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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