If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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