I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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