I think I died a long time ago.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
