my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
