Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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