everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
