Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
