tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
