just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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