'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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