He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
