the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
