I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize