U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
