Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
