It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize