So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize