Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
