What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
