You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
