oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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