last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
