I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
