Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I look better un-naked...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
