I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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