I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
