i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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