My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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