I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
