We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
