I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
