Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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