At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
