respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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