ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
