After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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