yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
