its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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