omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
3 2 1 whiskey
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
