i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
