I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
