Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
