It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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