you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
