you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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