There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
