I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
cat food counts as protein by the way
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize