Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So many bounce houses so little time
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
